“Who’s Bull Is It?”
(or, if you prefer, rebranding and the Republican Party, a random pagemonkey rant)

Amazingly, Gentle Reader, in our modern world, the frontiersie crime of cattle rustling - called “duffing” in Australia - is on the rise.

One supposes that a cow which can be stolen might also be tampered with and left in place, which makes me sort of wonder exactly how safe we are from terrorists who might decide to hijack the American tradition of enjoying a decent steak, much as they hijacked the American tradition of enjoyable air travel.

That is certainly a topic for a future rant - right now, I can’t stomach the thought of having to look at a nice rare filet mignon with suspicion. Perhaps after my next physical, when looking at my cholesterol numbers.

Cattle rustling, duffing if you prefer, historically involved stealing another man’s cattle and then re-branding them with your own brand, or perhaps a made-up brand developed just for that particular theft. In frontiersie days before instant communications and central offices which registered brands, merely “photoshopping” the assflank of a cow with reasonable skill could make that Bessie yours, at least for as long as needed to unload her on some unsuspecting consumer.

If you look long enough at the brands displayed to the left or above (image © acknowledged, visit the Barbed Wire Musem or Joshua Tree National Park for more info) you eventually come away with at least two impressions: That it takes some skill to both design and to read cattle brands, and that many of them look similar and hence could be made to look identical with the right re-branding effort.

Re-branding is also something used by a company which believes it can market another company’s product more successfully than that company can itself; what re-branding amounts to in that instance is simply a change of spin. Rarely is it used on premier products, and equally rarely does it truly succeed as most consumers who do even a scant amount of research quickly see through the ruse.

Speaking of ruses, spin, and rarely successful, I should at this point announce the real topic, Gentle Reader. I haven’t tied up your valuable time to talk about deceitful pardners on the open range ripping off the livestock of honest, hardworking pardners.

I’m here to mention that the Republicans have been talking a lot amongst themselves lately, and have decided at their core that what they really need to do is re-brand the GOP.

Not re-invent, not re-think - re-brand. Peddle the same bull under a different brand hoping nobody notices.

That says a lot, and there is a lot one can say about that. Denial is a word that comes to my mind immediately.

The party made up primarily of old, fat white men can’t seem to get its collective head around why they lost to a lean, tall Black man. And they’re about to make the same mistake Chevrolet did with the miserable Vega when they re-branded it as the Monza.

The folks at now nearly-bankrupt GM thought that consumers weren’t smart enough to realize something which looks like a Vega, drives like a Vega, smokes like a Vega, and breaks down like a Vega really is a Vega.

As the old pitchman line goes, “Accept no substitutes.”

In fact, about 7 of these fat old white guys who call themselves “conservative” had a very high-level meeting here in Denver a fortnight ago. They held this small meeting in the most expensive (and rightly so) hotel in Denver, the historic Brown Palace. (image © acknowledged, visit www.allposters.co.uk for more info)

The Brown Palace is a beautiful hotel which carries itself with extreme grace. If you visit Denver and have the budget, I highly recommend staying there - not only is it historical, it is plush, it is extravagent, and it is extremely well managed. It justifies its expense.

But these 7 fat old white guys who call themselves “conservative” who met there could have easily exercised some fiscal responsibility and conducted their “high level” meeting at one of their own expensive homes, saving the GOP thousands of dollars.

And should have. If they wanted to spend that kind of money, they should have had a catered event and given the rest to charity of some sort. Perhaps to help homeless, jobless Operation Iraqi Freedom veterans who cannot adjust after 3 tours of duty.

Speaking of re-branding and fat… Well, I won’t say that just now. Let’s leave it at re-branding, and move on to Attorney General McMasters of South Carolina, who has mouthed a sincere wish to make a gubenatorial run soon.

In re-branding himself to escape a “do nothing” reputation, he’s decided to beat the living shit out of Craig’s List. After Craig’s List agreed to changes that he demanded, even though his demands actually have no legal foundation whatsoever.

(For those who don’t know, Craig’s List has come under fire for it’s Erotic Services sections in a few states, mainly because a psychopath allegedly used the List as a way to troll for victims. List has decided to show some social conscience and require more information from posters of adult ephemera, and has made revisions to its state by state adult areas. Perhaps the GOP will next shut down truckstops and install checkpoints on the nation’s interstates, as those are also a place where serial killers troll for victims. Gotta keep us safe!)

I should perhaps mention that at least one republican-owned publication in South Carolina still maintains an online user-generated classified advertisment section with virtually no moderation or age check, and that two of the major newspapers in SC still gladly accept ads for sexual services for pay.

I hate Billy Mays, I can’t stand the sound of his voice, but I respect that he’s smart enough to make a good living by promoting products he feels he can sell. If you’ve checked out the horrible new series Pitchmen on the Discovery Channel, you probably know that good old Billy takes a personal interest in the shit he peddles.

Stuff he promotes has to work when he tries it, as his entire advertising schema depends on demonstrating said shit, at least long enough to film an infommercial.

Which might explain why he isn’t pitching the GOP. In a party where promo costs are no object, they have Joe the Plumber, unlicensed and behind on taxes.

Accept No Substitues!

~ pagemonkey

(top image © acknowledged, visit Mule Shoe Herefords for more info)