“Rush Delivery: Pocket Dictionary”
(a random pagemonkey rant)

It’s one of those tragically beautiful spring afternoons here in the little village of Denver, Gentle Reader, the type it’s famous for, the kind perfectly suited for lobster tails and steaks on the barbie, and a cement-mixer full of fresh margaritas.

Alas, such fun will have to wait - I found myself faced with a need to order a few emergency gift items for someone I don’t know personally but am familiar with. And of course, this little rant needs to get finished as well, or I’ll just feel guilty.

I considered the option of having them shipped directly to the recipient, but in the end decided not to, so that I could include a nice little note as well as instructions for use.

Rush Limbaugh is clever, but I don’t think he’s smart enough to put these items to their best use unless I explain things clearly - coat “A” and “B” with “C” and insert…^

Everything should fit just fine, and once all is comfortably in place he’ll be able to look things up without him having to pull his head out of its comfort zone.

And this combination will be more agreeable than, say, a laptop computer - although I’d spring for one just to see it go… ^

I’m sure Limbaugh’s recent use of the words merchant marines when speaking of pirates who were killed while committing the act of kidnapping shortly after having attempted the hijacking of a civilian cargo ship was just an unfortunate mistake, caused by working in a dark semi-vaccuum.

Googling a definition for merchant marine yeilded the same definition the words have had since I was a lad in high school: “Ships and seamen dedicated to commercial, rather than military, purposes.” According to the CIA World Factbook, Somalia has a grand total of 1 merchant marine ship. (Here’s the page, and here’s the definition in the notes section.)

I’ll say this in plain, simple English: The three young men killed, and the injured one taken into custody, were nothing but pirates. Hungry, yes; desperate, yes; heartbreakingly young for such intrigue, yes. But still capable of committing capital crimes on the high seas, and just as deadly as their older counterparts who are now using rocket-propelled grenades when hijacking lightly-armed civilian ships.

And it’s very amusing that the entire Limbaugh Posse is now mouthing around things like “the Somalia Merchant Marine has declared war on the US,” which is technically impossible. Merchant Marines, by definition, are not military organizations.

So-called conservative commentors are suffering an epidemic of “foot in mouth” disease, which apparently spreads as virulently as hoof and mouth disease does in bovines. Small wonder; cows (and commentors) tend to eat where they drop dung.

Rush has pondered rhetorically the reaction of the American People had a republican president been in office when such a heinous operation took place, and has suggested everyone would enjoy outrage.

I’ll suggest the reaction would have been the same in that scenario as it was in this case: sadness at the youth of the perps, and a sense of bittersweet satisfaction that the US stepped up to the plate and got one of her own back.

Provided, of course, that we hit the right target and got our own back.

That “right target” stuff is a key element, in this example and many others.

The reason bar fights frequently escalate is that when Drunk “A” hits Drunk “B,” Drunk “B” often as not will hit a bystander by mistake instead of punching the schmoe who hit him.

Sort of like invading the wrong damn country when chasing terrorists, and then having to stay there because the terrorists eventually did show up, albeit fashionably late, following the old “build it and they will come” logic train, and won’t go away just because we want them to.

I’ve been having a lot of fun talking to Sam about the current political circus; he’s a liberal of the first water, but continually looks for intelligent input from conservatives so that he can enrich the knowledge he uses to form his opinions.

He’s nearly inconsolable right now: “I keeping hoping one of them will say something that isn’t pure bullshit.”

And I can’t offer him any comfort on the issue. We’re not “growing” conservatives like Barry Goldwater or conservative commentors like Paul Harvey anymore.

We have, instead, a bunch of thuggish, fiscally irresponsible, and rather self-serving types who label themselves as “conservative” but aren’t, because, unlike the food and pharmaceutical industries, there are no penalties for mis-labeling your political “product” to sell it.

It’s a great time to be alive if you like having smoke blown up your ass.

In closing, I apologize on behalf of Limbaugh and his Posse to the brave men and women of Merchant Marine organizations everywhere for the inexcusably inappropriate use of the venerable term merchant marine in such context. Rest assured that nobody worth listening to considers you fodder for ill-conceived politcal commentary.

~ pagemonkey