“The Loyal Opposition”
(or, “jellyfish, snakes, spiders and toads” if you prefer)

In good times, Gentle Reader, the end of a February which follows a presidential election marks an important change in my life - I can safely go back to watching and reading as much news as I have the taste for, without the fear that it will be 95% political coverage and 5% horrible news.

This year, the “sunny spring” of news coverage seems to be late in blooming.

It’s almost as if Punxutawney Rush saw his shadow, forecasting more weeks of stormy, turbulent news weather.

Not that I’m calling the man a groundhog. I would never do anything which would encourage the groundhog rights activists to run riot all over my hairy ass.

This year, so far, there has been no shift back away from reporting each and every farting sound which emanates from anyone connected to the political machine. Any yenta or malcontent who can fog a mirror is apparently entitled to an interview of some sort on one of the fabulous 24 hour news channels, thus keeping all those other yentas and malcontents (aka political analysts and commentary show hosts) gainfully employed inside their various studios, instead of gainfully (and more appropriately) employed parking cars or plaguarizing college masters thesii for subsequent resale on the web to students who share their sense of ethics.

What’s brought this boil of a situation to a festering head is FOX News’ latest gaff, reporting Vice President Joe Biden’s latest shameful, nation dooming gaff.

If you haven’t heard, the most recent indication that VP Biden is ill-suited for his role as VP was that he had trouble remembering the web address of the website explaining the ins and outs of the Obama administration’s recovery package.

In a wonderful display of hi-def video mixing technology, at least 3 talking heads carefully explained just how damn dangerous “Gaff Machine Biden” really is, as evidenced by his momentary inability to instantly recite www.recovery.gov on command.

So much for the vetting process, careful and thoughtful selection, and choosing only the most qualified.

I mean FOX’s processes, not Barack’s.

Honestly, where do they find these people?

I don’t completely blame the talking heads for their misbehavior. Times are hard, everyone needs a job, so one does what one must. The real problem is that FOX News and the others have editorial policies which seem to be loosely based on how “open mic nites” at successful comedy clubs are orchestrated.

“Sure, pal, c’mon in and do your bit - but we’ll be watching the crowd, and if they stop buying drinks you’ll see the flashing red light… That’s your cue to get the hell off the stage, m’kay?” (image: www.globalgraphica.com)

The invisible guy who stands on my right shoulder in his spotless white suit has been whispering in my ear a lot lately. He’s been telling me it’s okay to pick on these yentas and malcontents, which is a big change from his usual prattle about not saying things about people when I don’t have something good to say about them. In fact, he’s been whispering go ahead, they’re not really people.

So I’ve been thinking about this “not really people” angle quite a bit lately, and I think the midget in white is right. Limbaugh, Hannity, O’Reilly, Dobbs, et al, are probably not really people after all.

Simply put, most creatures this venemous are jellyfish, snakes, spiders and toads - and it’s best not to be around when they drain their sacs.

Which brings us to the end of this rant, Gentle Reader, and as I’m fond of doing, I’ll close with a query.

If you had to choose, which bunch of guys would you rather listen to at one of those 3-drink minimum clubs?

~ pagemonkey